Space!

SO fucking what..... i still love him... i miss him massively and fuck off everyone... i think im entitled! i have been battling with these thoughts and feelings for nigh on 5months.... at times im like ok lets rationalise this shit.... its normal... its aprt of the process... i can remember ten years ago when we split up feeling like this ect ect ect ....yeh yea and yes... ive tried being with another.... works for a while.... wears off... getting drunk... makes me sad and cry to much.... getting stoned... actually perpetuates this condition..... am i grieving?? am i love sick??? and what the fig shall doo?... right now im trying to be quiet with it... keep most to myself... which in itself has proven to give me a whole new issue... people want to see you ect... they care ect.... and haveing another man in toe... not helping right now and im also creating knew issues! he insecure n imature...and quiet frankly what i have going on is MY shit to deal with.. dont wanna share it...dont want to take stuff out on anyone esle either.... i just fucking loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Doug so much right now.............. all the negative stuff about seems not to matter at all... i miss  his smell... the feel of his skin... the way he held me... the way he knew me is about what realllly sums it up.... he never bothered me when i was in my quiet time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  shared memorys over 19years.... what can i say.... words dont even come close to it.... al the positives!!!!!!!!!!!! i did give him my best....the feelings have totally got the better of me... wonder if it will pass????????? gut wrenching! and this is what SPACE has led me to.