Deep breaths..... breath!  re read my last post... Well.... these feelings are still there, thank god they are not so intense and im going to give myself a pat on the back for not acting on those thoughts and feelings... Ive been on a huge learning curve and the self realisations are coming fast and quick... The new relationship was abit murky there and also a bit of a communication problem... all of which have resolved themselves. Had such a lovely hart to hart with him the other day and i realise many things... so... next steps for me are... continue on the path im on! its ok to look back and even shed a few tears... but dwelling is now banned! my new love interest is helping me realise so many things and i couldn't possibly begin to write them in a tangible way so ... yeh...ive decided im going to have faith in this relationship and trust in myself and him! im going to give love and also take down my re enforced wall! theres no need for me to be defencive or offencive... theres no need for me to be angry either... i have nothing to lose and everything to possibly gain.... the only real shit i would like to resolve right now is my career!....