Attention! it will get better

i never intended this blog to contain such concerns.... i tried for a baby for 19years... paid thousands for ivf treatments...got pregnant once through ivf and it was ectopic, hence me having a fallopian tube removed, which was already fucked up so... that was 4years ago...i knocked it all on the head and decided to go back to collage and study to be a person centred therapist..ive had to take this year out as my long term relationship broke down and i am no longer in a comfortable position to pay for it.. i am still working my placements in hope i will get to go back , finish and qualify in sept..so although i had a tough year i was so happy to be in a better place with myself , my life and my choices... the choice's I've made of late have been absolutely amazing...life enhancing....so....i meet a new man...3weeks later I'm pregnant! naturally! this is a miracle, its never happened to me before .. i believed it was impossible...now i feel it was due to a previous unhealthy relationship...could never relax! eggshells!,,,then i start bleeding...i instantly think...shit its ectopic,,,,, its not.... they think its a miscarriage...so I've been in bed for 2 days....bored shitless with a mind full of thoughts, and more thoughts... my cousin died 2days ago...32...gutted.... my emotions are all over the shop... all I've heard for days on end about a zillions things is "WHY"..... you know what sometimes i say "WHY NOT",,,,i know that most likely doesn't make much sense,,,its kinda like that is the glass half empty or half full analogy,,i still have faith..... it will get better,,